June 19th…day 58 of motherhood
We all know motherhood is a blessed journey, where your heart bursts wide open with love and adoration for this new being in your life. It is sacred, it is wonderful, and it is hard.
There will be days where you are tired, where you struggle because you are so exhausted and can hardly keep up with the demands of your little one. First of all, this is NORMAL. You are not doing a terrible job because you feel unable to keep up. You are enough, you are adequate, you are doing a great job!
Just know that every mother struggles. There is a moment for each woman where she feels like she is losing it. I felt it today, just overly tired and not enough sleep, there is nothing that makes up for sleep, but sleep. So when you are getting up multiple times in the night, having consecutive nights of broken sleep….then let yourself off the perfectionist hook and be gentle with yourself.
What is important is that you are doing your best. Give your 100%, and know that your 100% will be different every day, perhaps even every hour. When you accept that about yourself then you don’t have to stick to a set of standards, because you know that they are variable according to how much you have slept and how much energy you have as a new momma. This allows more flow and flexibility and can take the edge off your ‘to do’ lists that are in your head, because there are days where you wont get to one single thing on that list.
In fact, stop making those lists! Don’t even bother putting yourself under that kind of pressure, that’s what makes us feel like a failure sometimes. If we have a set of tasks to do each day and then don’t get to do these things, then we could start judging and being hard on ourselves.
I have certainly felt that and quickly realized it does not serve me, or my confidence as a new parent at all. On the days where my sweet little angel is feeling like she needs my attention ALL day, well then, take a deep breath and let go. Surrender to what is IN THE MOMENT. Stay in the moment and give your 100%.
If we can manage to be present and to let go of self-judgment, then our life is made a whole lot easier. And let’s face it: anything that can make life easier in this fourth trimester is precious medicine. So let’s practice taking it. And most of all, keep remembering that you are amazing!!
AND I would also like to share, we need not be happy and rosy with our children all the time. Teach them different emotions, how to move through them, how to feel them and be responsible for them. If I get teary when karmendra gets home because I am exhausted, I explain to Atira that is not because of her that I am crying, just simply that I did not get enough sleep so am feeling more sensitive. I communicate everything.
I saw a quote the other day saying: “Lets raise children who wont have to recover from their childhoods” ( Pam Leo). We can do this with open communication and by being real with our children. We are not perfect, we don’t have to pretend to be, and by being real we give our children permission to be themselves in their fullest expression. Don’t be afraid if you break down, or cry or get frustrated, just always take responsibility for the impact it has in your home and communicate about it.
You are human, these are human emotions, and it is ok to feel them.
Again I will remind you: you ARE DOING the most important job in the universe, and that is caring for your child. Period. This is the primo most nurturing thing you can do in your life. Just keep reminding yourself of this. Nothing else really matters, and heck if you can’t get to those diapers, well tomorrow’s another day.
So keep in your power, in that empowered place as a woman nourishing and caring for your child. Keep a mantra or phrase in your pocket that affirms that you are an amazing, capable, wonderful and loving mother. And repeat it throughout the day, especially in times that get wobbly. For today mine is:“ I love deeply, I let go, I surrender”. Mould it to what you need in the moment, and remember the breath, always remember the breath…..
And then…just look into your baby’s eyes. Be with them, melt into their being and allow yourself to feel the love between you. Let everything else fade and allow your heart to love, love, and love some more. Open yourself to them, and to yourself for that matter. Bring yourself back to why you are doing it all in the first place! This sacred little being needs you. You are giving yourself to them, and their soul knows it and appreciates it, even if they can’t express it, it transpires in the form of a smile, a tender moment, or while kissing them on their cheeks…..you feel it.
So take the time each day to feel this love, on this amazing magical and wonderful journey of being a mother.
And if you feel wobbly, take some time to yourself, if even a moment while you are on the loo (aka toilet) and repeat your personal mantra, and take some deep breaths. The increased oxygen in your blood will help calm the nerves and get you centered.
And always, always remember:
YOU ARE AMAZING!
After I wrote this post I went back to my daughter and did exactly as I suggested: looked into her eyes and felt the love. At this time of night she may cry, processing her day, getting her ja ja’s out, or just letting us know she has a bubble of gas in her tummy. Because I had taken some time to myself,(writing is my medicine) like I also suggested in the post, I felt rejuvenated and relaxed. And so when I came back to her, I felt at ease and ready for what the night would bring. As I looked at her I smiled widely, her eyes smiled and she chucked for the first time…..heart melt….