At 5 am during a night feed for my 4 month old daughter, I realized I was denying my reality…once again. For over a month she awoke just once a night for some of mommas milk, and I got to get some consecutive hours sleep and feel more human. My energy levels increased, I felt more open for having more adventures in my life, which may just mean popping by a friends for a cuppa tea. Seriously, thats what its like as a new momma.
That was over a month ago. Since then she wakes 2-3 times in the night to nurse and last night I found myself kind of grumpy and shuffling myself to get up, again, every 2-3 hours. At 5 am I realized that I was trying to will my reality to be different. Every night I was continually surprised that she awoke multiple times. I was not accepting the fact that perhaps THIS is her night time pattern, and the other 4 weeks of blissful rest were just a phase. What if I just accepted what is in this very moment? What if things didn’t have to be different?
The bigger ah ha was that I have done this very same thing in life, been in a situation that I wasn’t too happy with and tried to manipulate it or change it to something that feels better and more comfortable for me. Or deny that it was even happening. Well, it doesn’t work. It is a sure road to unhappiness to want things to be different. It causes stress and tension in the soul. Opening up and accepting what is in the moment, to breathe into it, to allow everything that is present to be fully here, to deny nothing, is to live. Even when its hard. Even when it aches.
SO my stake today is to fully live. To allow things to unfold in the mystery of life. The mystery, the divine, knows so much more then my small ego about whats best for my learning and my souls growth. So what if I wake up very 2-3 hours, big deal if i feel a bit loony and crazy and delirious at times. It is part of the ride called motherhood. All mothers go through it, it is an initiation in complete service to another life. And it is worth it.
I surrender to the moment, I will deny no part of my reality and I will accept the lesson and learning. So no more whingy whininess about waking up multiple times in the night…….I am a mother. I have a beautiful daughter. AND actually, I feel like the luckiest woman aLIVE.
Motto for the day: Live. Love. Be REAL.